Gratitude

If there's a silver lining to the last couple of months, it's the astonishing kindness that people have shown me since I was diagnosed. Something about being young (and with my head shaved, I could pass for sixteen) and having cancer makes people highly motivated to be helpful. I have a hard time with gratitude, though. I can bull through a lot of frustration, but as soon as somebody starts being nice to me I lose it and start crying. I don't want to lose the kindness of the things that people have done for me.

Saranghae
My darling Saranghae, my best friend and soul mate, was amazing all through the diagnostic process. She let me sleep on her couch and cry in her shower, she cooked me comfort food, she spent three nights (and countless days) in the hospital while I was recovering from the biopsy. More amazing was what she did after I left: I needed the slides from my biopsy, and the English clinic employees at St. Mary's Gangnam were too lazy to try to help. Saranghae went to the hospital three or four and refused to stop annoying them until they gave her the damn slides. She rushed them to me in Arizona, wrapped in cute panda socks, and saved me from a painful second biopsy.

Ms. C. at the DES
It takes about 90 days to get an AHCCCS (Arizona Medicare) application approved, longer if you fuck it up, as I did. I went to the Department of Economic Security's incredibly depressing office and explained to Ms. C. that I was starting chemotherapy on Monday and needed benefits as soon as possible. She had me fill out a new application and had benefits for me in four hours, and got me food stamps benefits as a bonus.

Danielle and Mr. Shin
My bosses at Yangji High School. I liked working for them and they were very kind to me. I miss Mr. Shin particularly.

Celeste and Pedro
I've had two free haircuts in the last couple of months, from Celeste and Pedro, both of whom spent a long time making sure I was happy. I can't imagine hairdressers make so much money that they don't feel a free haircut, but they were both really gracious.

Harlot and Agent N
Harlot heard about the situation and immediately sent me four pounds of Red Vines. Agent N heard about the situation and immediately brought me four mini carrot cakes. Both have sent me sweet, entertaining emails, although Harlot lately has been embroiled in drama of her own.

Burndog, H-K and Gilly Thibodaux
Would hate being lumped together, heh. All three came to visit me in the hospital, and Burndog and Gilly have been great about keeping me up to date with what's going on in Korea, even though I have been an obnoxiously self-obsessed and unreliable correspondent.

Nurses D., S., and M. at UMC and S., T., A. and C. at the Arizona Cancer Center
All of them have been really nice to me, even when I was acting like an asshole or crying for no reason.

I don't think I could even articulate how grateful I am to my parents and grandpa, who have taken care of me when I am sick from the chemo and fetched for me while my hands are full of crutches, and who have put a roof over my head and catered to my every silly whim.